Is love, true love, validated by succumbing to its regenerative powers, or by emulating the desired quality of ones intended partner. I know I went realllll philosophical with that one, lol. What my over analytical mind wants to know is, would you rather change yourself to have love, or have love change you. Simple enough right? I had someone near and dear to me vocally say, what literally I had been mentally stewing over for weeks. In my "former" life, I was sure you could cultivate love, like a beautiful laboratory diamond, you would take the raw ingredients (chemistry, physical attraction, and the right amount of crazy), apply a significant amount of pressure, all while conforming to the shape of the requested model. In my experience, the outcome would be a twisted, and deformed failure, that I would desperately attempt to obliterate. And like some far gone crack-head I would be on the hunt for my next "hit" with blind determination to make my next experiment a success. To make a long story short, I left a trail of broken hearts/people in my wake, and was no closer to finding the part of me I so eagerly searched for.
It wasn't until I had the BIGGEST disappointment in my life that, I decided (okay maybe I was coerced lol thanks Laura) that I would change my approach, instead of expecting a different outcome with the same execution. Boy oh boy, I feel as though I was given clear vision, after looking through cloudy eyes for years. Things that used to baffle, confuse, or plain irritate me, now are enjoyable, and crystal clear to me (or close to it lol) I am (even as I type) allowing the true love I have for my wife, daughter, and sister remove the YEARS of hurt, disappointment, and anger, and in turn I am becoming a better wife, sister, mother, aunt, cousin, daughter, grand-daughter, and most importantly friend. I began this post almost a week ago, a bit unsure of where it would end........ In this life we all have short-comings, and hang-ups that we are handed down, I for one WILL NOT become a altered version of myself in hopes that someone will pick me, love me, validate me. Just think if your are not your true self and he/she falls for that character, you are stuck in that role for a lifetime. I'd much rather have someone love me through my flaws, and craziness so I am not constantly researching the next act! Just my view, you decide yours.
It wasn't until I had the BIGGEST disappointment in my life that, I decided (okay maybe I was coerced lol thanks Laura) that I would change my approach, instead of expecting a different outcome with the same execution. Boy oh boy, I feel as though I was given clear vision, after looking through cloudy eyes for years. Things that used to baffle, confuse, or plain irritate me, now are enjoyable, and crystal clear to me (or close to it lol) I am (even as I type) allowing the true love I have for my wife, daughter, and sister remove the YEARS of hurt, disappointment, and anger, and in turn I am becoming a better wife, sister, mother, aunt, cousin, daughter, grand-daughter, and most importantly friend. I began this post almost a week ago, a bit unsure of where it would end........ In this life we all have short-comings, and hang-ups that we are handed down, I for one WILL NOT become a altered version of myself in hopes that someone will pick me, love me, validate me. Just think if your are not your true self and he/she falls for that character, you are stuck in that role for a lifetime. I'd much rather have someone love me through my flaws, and craziness so I am not constantly researching the next act! Just my view, you decide yours.
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