Enjoying fall.

Good morning! Happy fall! I hope you guys are enjoying the change of seasons as thoroughly as my family and I are. Attempting to out-do myself, lol, I have been keeping the girlz busy. Doing what you ask?? Mmmmmmm, since we are a picture happy family won't I show you instead!

We went to the museum!

Re-decorated our home.....

My future wife, and I got our family crest tattoo'd on our wrist.

Our wedding bands were delivered, now to take care of the details of our reception.......

We went pumpkin picking, and I introduced my girlz to the wonder of fresh made apple cider doughnuts, yumm!!

We helped UCONN bring in their "First Night", and it was amazing!!!!

Our daughter's god-father, boxer "Bad Chad" Dawson temporarily re-claimed his WBC light-heavyweight title from B-Hop while we watched via PPV.

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The girlz, and I celebrated the 200th anniversary of P.T. Barnums' birthday in his hometown (which he was also the mayor of just f.y.i.) in a special Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey show!! We all felt like kids again. I've been accused several times of over-spoiling my girls and to that I say..........

I want my girlz to have EVERYTHING they can imagine, not so much to give them an entitlement complex, but to know how it feels to have someone give them the world just because they deserve it!!! Every female in our household knows how it feels to go without. Without love, attention, understanding, and acceptance, I want that to be a thing of the past, especially our daughter. I need her to demand the same, if not more, from anyone interested in winning her heart. But as my beautiful wife has pointed out, not every want can be indulged. This is now my goal to "spoil" my girlz occasionally, kind of like salt in a dinner entree, too much and it ruins the whole evening, too little and everything is bland, boring zzzzzzzzzz.I will let you know how that goes, lol. Now back to our wedding countdown, which as we speaks is 19 days 21 hours 50 minutes 30 29 28 27 26 25..........okay okay you get it lol welp ttyl. Soon to be Mrs. Cayonie Schoenmehl!!!!!

Love?

Is love, true love, validated by succumbing to its regenerative powers, or by emulating the desired quality of ones intended partner. I know I went realllll philosophical with that one, lol. What my over analytical mind wants to know is, would you rather change yourself to have love, or have love change you. Simple enough right? I had someone near and dear to me vocally say, what literally I had been mentally stewing over for weeks. In my "former" life, I was sure you could cultivate love, like a beautiful laboratory diamond, you would take the raw ingredients (chemistry, physical attraction, and the right amount of crazy), apply a significant amount of pressure, all while conforming to the shape of the requested model. In my experience, the outcome would be a twisted, and deformed failure, that I would desperately attempt to obliterate. And like some far gone crack-head I would be on the hunt for my next "hit" with blind determination to make my next experiment a success. To make a long story short, I left a trail of broken hearts/people in my wake, and was no closer to finding the part of me I so eagerly searched for.

It wasn't until I had the BIGGEST disappointment in my life that, I decided (okay maybe I was coerced lol thanks Laura) that I would change my approach, instead of expecting a different outcome with the same execution. Boy oh boy, I feel as though I was given clear vision, after looking through cloudy eyes for years. Things that used to baffle, confuse, or plain irritate me, now are enjoyable, and crystal clear to me (or close to it lol) I am (even as I type) allowing the true love I have for my wife, daughter, and sister remove the YEARS of hurt, disappointment, and anger, and in turn I am becoming a better wife, sister, mother, aunt, cousin, daughter, grand-daughter, and most importantly friend. I began this post almost a week ago, a bit unsure of where it would end........ In this life we all have short-comings, and hang-ups that we are handed down, I for one WILL NOT become a altered version of myself in hopes that someone will pick me, love me, validate me. Just think if your are not your true self and he/she falls for that character, you are stuck in that role for a lifetime. I'd much rather have someone love me through my flaws, and craziness so I am not constantly researching the next act! Just my view, you decide yours.

Marriage